ARTICLES Listening Between The Lines – How To Find
Out What They're Really Saying! We’re not mind readers. But wouldn’t it come in handy if we could tell what our employees and customers were thinking even without them saying it? Actually there is a way we can do exactly that! Being able to understand the unspoken communication messages we receive will help us decipher what others are trying to –or trying not to – tell us. Winston Churchill’s quote “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying,”
is one of my favorites. His quote suggests that unspoken
aspects of the communication process, including everything from how the
person looks to what they sound like, can overpower the spoken words. How you say it Rate of speech How fast we talk directly affects how our message is perceived. Bright, articulate, competent and knowledgeable are the adjectives that are used to describe people who speak at a brisk pace. Yet, speak too fast and the perception becomes: “fast talker, dishonest, can’t be trusted.” I have been told my entire life that I talk fast. And, I have learned that the secret to slowing down is to take deep breaths and pause between thoughts. Although challenging, it does seem to work. On the other hand, some people have been told that they speak too slowly with lots of awkward pauses and filler words such as “um”, “ah”, “you know.” This type of speech, unfortunately, conveys an image of “not so bright.” Again, the solution is to pause. However, in this situation it’s helpful to pause before speaking to compose thoughts. It may even be necessary to actually say out loud – “Let me think about that for a minute.” Pitch Unfortunately, high pitched voices convey less authority than lower pitched voices. Think of actor James Earl Jones. He’s the quintessential deep voice of authority. Fortunately, for those who have high pitched voices, taking deep breaths is again a solution. Taking a couple deep breaths before speaking will drop the voice a couple octaves. Volume As someone who speaks for a living I find that I am often projecting my voice as though I’m in front of an audience. And, I am always appreciative when someone reminds me to tone it down, because speaking too loudly can come across as overbearing and obnoxious. On the other hand, speaking too softly can be seen as uncertain and insecure. Regardless of where we fall on the volume continuum, it’s always useful to get feedback from a trusted colleague who has observed us in day to day conversation. Energy One
of the best reality checks on how we come across non-verbally is
hearing ourselves on tape. When we audiotape or videotape
ourselves speaking what is often most glaring is our energy
level. Especially after a long day we might be more likely to
come across as monotone and lacking what’s referred to in the
Toastmaster’s world as “vocal variety.” Again, breathing
deeply helps give our voice more energy. And, sitting
or standing tall, instead of slumping makes a difference. Listening Between the Lines
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